HELP

I need some sort of motivation! I have a test tomorrow and do not want to study for it! I've done so well so far this semester, I've gotten an A or an -A on every test I've taken so far and i really want to keep it up i just do not want to study. I have no motivation to do anything, I just want to lay in bed and do nothing... I'm not sick, I'm not even tired, I'm just in a do noting sort of mood! When I have so much that needs to be done this is not good! And I'm just using my blog to distract myself, basically i suck at life

An entire summer of catch-up... disclaimer: it's really scatter brained

Well, first off I want to say my summer has been perfect! I love spending all of my extra time with Logan. I've spent time with my family and some very good friends; I couldn't have asked for a more perfect summer.

But with the good also comes the bad. I was in a really bad car accident at the beginning of summer. I was coming home from work on I-215 and someone cut me off, i spun across three lanes of traffic and repeatedly hit the cement barrier. I swear my grandpa or someone was watching over me that day! The ER nurse said that i should have been in critical condition, and instead i was able to stand up and walk away from the accident. Too bad i was not able to say the same for my cute little civic :( I loved that car even for the short time I had it. Also, I did get a hearing aid this summer and that was the weirdest thing I have ever been through in my life to date. Having something that you will need for the rest of your existence is strange to me; although it is small and for the most part people would not notice it unless they were looking for it, it is still strange. And shortly after I received my hearing aid i had surgery. Don't worry it wasn't a big surgery, just an outpatient procedure, i had a deviated septum and they fixed it! Let me just say it is crazy to know what I was missing all my life! I can breath so well! The only down fall is I'm dying to go to the gym and can't for another week!

So that might sound like a whole lot of bad but trust me the good is so much better!

I feel like I am at a crossroads in life right now. I'm constantly debating on what I'm doing with my life; although I do have it narrowed down between radiology tech, dental hygiene, and nursing I am now leaning toward radiology tech. It pays well and is a good mom job, it will also give me the basis so if i want to I can finish school and become a radiologist. I honestly think it is a solid career, and I've known almost my entire life I want to go into health care. But my mom is constantly down my throat pushing me into doing nursing and she has some very good points as to why I would be good at it. So I guess that dental hygiene is out for the most part the more I think about it.

I do have some direction though; I recently registered for a phlebotomy class. Which I am rather excited for because I am taking it with my wonderful friend K-Fab! Oh, how I love that girl.

I don't know how ready I am for this summer to end. I am going to do exactly what I swore to myself in high school that I would never do; I'm going to SLCC and living at home. I'll be working nearly full time and going to school full time plus I'll have to make time for Logan and his family, my family, and a few friends. I'm just not ready for only seeing Logan a few times a week as opposed to seeing him pretty much everyday. I'm also not ready for Monday night bowling to die; a group of friends all go bowling every Monday night and I'm sad to see that go. Also with the end of summer comes saying goodbye to Jaxon for the next two years and that will be a tearful goodbye. He is one of the few people in this world that i can still go to.

figuring it out

I haven't posted anything in a long while! But recently I have come up with a reason to post something.

Life is constantly moving forward and there is no way to stop that. And I am very privileged, I love my life! I have a wonderful boyfriend, an amazing family, and as of recently I'm going to have to learn to juggle three jobs. I'm excited to earn some money for school and spend plenty of time having fun. This is such a wonderful time of life! We are free to figure out what life we want to

And with every new adventure there becomes new challenges. Recently I suddenly wasn't able to hear out of my left ear. This went on for two and a half months, originally i though it was just simply fluid behind my ear drum and a simple tube would solve the problem and i would be able to hear again. I went to an Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist this week and learned that this is not the case. I learned that more than likely i will never be able to hear properly out of my left ear again. I have to get an MRI on monday and they will know more about the diagnosis.

I will more than likely have to get a hearing aid and i do not know how to handle this news! I've cried, tried to just accept it, and live with it but when i cry i feel selfish, when i ignore it i know it is something i will have to deal with it for the rest of my life. I simply do not know how to react to this news. I'm terrified that something is going to happen to my right ear and i will have to have a hearing aid in both ears, or there will be nothing they can do to help me. It is known that as you get older your hearing will get worse so i want to know what i'm up against; will it continue to get worse or will i be okay? and things will remain the same until i get older. no matter what happens i can't help but feel as if my life will never be the same.

The weekend

This weekend was great! Friday Logan came down and we all went to the park, played some games! Its always fun to embrace your inner child! Gotta love the roommates, JaNelle especially she's great! Saturday we went down to St. George, it was way fun until i started to feel like crap by the pool; but it wasn't so bad with Logan there, he's far too good to me! He did everything in his power to try and make me feel better it was great he's the sweetest guy ever! I'm totally head over heals for that boy and don't want to keep myself from falling from him even more! Dinner was way fun! I got to watch JaNelle make herself sick at dinner, she's so funny, she started to rock to try and make herself digest her food faster. She's a hilarious! Before we went to dinner she really wanted a carmel apple from Rocky Mt. Chocolate Factory but by the time we were done and got up there she was way too full to even think about it; but Logan apparently is never too full for a peanut cluster. All together wonderful weekend, but having him leave this morning was not good at all.

Oh, and very happy birthday wishes to the beautiful Brooke Gibbons!

Favorite Quote of all time!

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. ~ Nelson Mandela